What to do if you’re a bully

Perhaps a teacher or parent has informed you that you need to change your behaviour, or you feel bad about the way you’ve been treating someone else. If you want to change your behaviour, this article can help.

Do you know what bullying is?

Bullying is repeated and unwanted aggressive behaviour toward another person that reinforces a power imbalance. Bullying comes in many forms, most commonly physical, verbal, relational, vandalism, or cyberbullying.

Ask yourself these important questions to figure out if you’re a bully:

• Do I feel satisfied or happy when I make someone upset?
• Do I listen to people when they tell me to stop doing something?
• Do I feel as though I’m in competition with someone?
• Is my reputation for being strong, dominant, or scary important to me?
• Do I get a thrill from exercising power over others?
• Do other people feel as though they can trust me with their problems?
• Do all my jokes focus on bringing another person down?
• Do I say/do things online that I wouldn’t do in person?
• Am I threatening people to get my way?

How can I stop being a bully?

If you realise you’ve been bullying someone, the first step is admitting to yourself what you’ve done is wrong. Congratulations on making it that far – many bullies don’t.

You should think about why you did what you did. What made you feel as though you wanted to be a bully? Perhaps there is something else going on in your life and you were taking out your anger or frustration on another person? See if you can discover the root cause, so you can understand your own behaviour and prevent it from happening again.

Talk to an adult you trust about your behaviour, and ask them for advice on what to do. You may also like to speak to a counsellor.

Apologise to the person you hurt. It takes a lot of courage to admit you’re wrong. Ask them if you can do anything to make up for your behaviour. You should also delete any hurtful posts, pictures, or comments you made online about them.
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For more information about what to do if you’re a bully or are experiencing bullying, see the Bullying Free NZ website.