How to flip the script on negative self-talk

Throughout the day, you talk to yourself inside your head. We all have a constant running conversation with ourselves. But what that conversation is about and the words you use to speak to yourself can have a huge impact on your mood, your stress levels, and your ability to cope with whatever life throws at you.

Self-talk is a powerful tool when you use it to become more motivated, compassionate, and productive. But when you indulge in negative self-talk, the impact can be startling. Discover the difference between positive and negative self-talk and how you can start being aware of and changing the way you talk to yourself.

Negative self-talk

We all experience negative self-talk during our lives, when our inner critic decides to berate us and make us feel bad. Your negative self-talk may be critical of your decisions or appearance, create catastrophes out of everything, blame you for unfortunate events, or other demoralising talk you wouldn’t tolerate from another person.

Studies link negative self-talk with low self-esteem, higher levels of stress, and depression. It can be damaging to your motivation and make you feel helpless and alone.

Positive self-talk

Positive self-talk is the exact opposite. This is when your inner critic morphs into an inner-cheerleader. It’s supportive and affirming, and makes you feel good. Positive self-talk makes you aware of your good traits and helps motivate you to go after the things you want. People who practice positive self-talk are also better equipped to deal with setbacks and disappointments.

Flip the script on negative self-talk

If you realise you’re creating too much negative self-talk, there are some things you can do to encourage yourself to change your internal script.

• Notice when you’re being self-critical. Ask yourself if you’d say the same thing to your friend or a young kid.
• Give your inner-thoughts a name. Call them “Downer Dave” or “Spoils-the-fun-Sally.” This helps you see your inner critic as an outside force you can choose to ignore.
• Remind yourself that your thoughts and feelings aren’t necessarily reality.
• If you can’t get to positive, aim for neutral. For example, change “I hate ...” to “I would prefer...” or “I can’t do it,” to “this is challenging.”
• Be your own best friend. If your friend was saying negative things about him/herself, what would you say to make them feel better? Say those things to yourself.
• Look at the long-term. Ask if the thing you’re obsessing over will really matter in five years time?
• Challenge your self-talk. Ask yourself how true what you’re saying really is, or if you’re exaggerating.
• Tell someone you trust. Say your thoughts out loud to a friend. They can help you stamp them down and turn them into something funny.