If you see someone bullying a friend or classmate, it can be difficult to speak up. It’s easier to turn away, or to watch and laugh so you aren’t next. But the person being bullied might be in need of a hero.

When you see bullying at school, in your social clubs, or on the sports field, here are some things you can do.

Why you should help someone being bullied

It takes a brave leader to step in and stand up for their beliefs. By making clear you don’t support the bullying, you show that you have values and integrity and you feel empathy with the victim. These are all values highly prized from leaders.

Also, bullies can drag down everyone around them and make school a scary place. By being part of efforts to stop bullying, you make your school better for everyone! Being called out on their behaviour may also help the bully change.

What to do if you see someone being bullied

• Refuse to join in or watch: Bullies like to perform for an audience. If you rob them of that audience reaction, you may deflate them. When you walk away, you may encourage others to follow.
• Get help: If someone is in real danger from a bully, find an adult you trust and ask for help. If the situation is an emergency, call 111.
• Stop passing on gossip: Bullying often involves spreading gossip or rumours about a victim, or revealing secrets they told a person in confidence. When a friend whispers something vicious about another person, don’t pass it on. Let the rumour die. If you feel comfortable, tell the person spreading the rumour why they should stop.
• Stand up for the victim: If you feel safe, tell the bully that they need to stop. Bullies crave social status, so when they see their peers disapproving of their actions, or make them look foolish, they will often alter their behaviour.
• Offer support and empathy: Be a friend to the victim and help make at least part of their day enjoyable. Encourage the victim to speak with an adult about what’s happening. You can stand beside them for support while they do it.
• Speak to an adult yourself: This can be tricky, but if you feel it’s the right thing to do, you need to speak to an adult. If you’re concerned about word getting around about what you said, you can ask to remain anonymous.

Bullying is an insidious problem that has long-term repercussions for both victims and bullies. Take a stand and help stop bullies at your school or community.

​If you'd like to seek further help and advice for bullying, feel free to give us a call on 0800 376 633 or free text us on 234.

We all know what bullying at school looks like, but what happens when bullies follow you home and into your own space through the internet? Online bullying happens over devices like mobile phones, computers, and tablets. Bullies might use texts, apps, social media sites, forums, or games.

If you’re being bullied online, this article will help you understand what that means and what you can do about it.

Is online bullying really a problem?

Yes, absolutely. It’s hard to get numbers on how many students experience online bullying because it happens out of school time and often goes unreported, but a 2016 survey showed three out of five women in their late teens have experienced cyber bullying. 14% of teachers have online bullying incidents reported to them at least once a week.

What is online bullying?

Most online bullying involves other people sending, posting, or sharing negative or false content about you online. It often involves sharing personal or private information about you with the goal of inciting others to bully or humiliate you.

Bullies use social media sites like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram to share images or comments and incite others to join in the bullying. Many teens are also bullied over text messages on their phones, or over messaging services in social media or gaming platforms. You may go to school with your bullies, or they may be people from anywhere in the world who you don’t know in person.

Other cyberbullying methods include impersonating you or other people online, manipulating images to show false things about you, and sending abusive texts and emails.

Cyberbullying leaves you feeling humiliated, vulnerable, and lonely. Because the bullying follows you everywhere via your devices, it’s hard to escape and feel safe. If bullying posts go viral, you could find yourself being attacked by thousands of people. Personal information shared online by bullies can place you in dangerous situations or harm your ability to get a job or gain entry to university.

What can I do if I’m being bullied online?

If you or someone you know is experiencing online bullying, you should take these steps:
​

• Report the bullying to an adult you trust: Schools and parents are often not aware you’re dealing with bullying when it happens on your devices. An adult can help you create a plan of action to combat the bullying and support you through it.
• Report to hosted websites and phone companies: Use ‘report abuse’ and ‘safety’ links to report abuse to the owners of a website. This can result in offensive material being taken down and users banned from these sites. If bullying happens over the phone, a report to your parent’s phone company can have the bully’s number blocked or their account disabled.
• Keep records: Save conversations, posts, and text messages with dates and names whenever possible. Many types of online bullying are illegal in New Zealand. Keeping a record will help you build a case in the future if you need to.
• Don’t respond: As much as it hurts to see what’s being posted about yourself, step away from the computer and don’t engage or respond to bullying. Getting a rise out of you (especially if you’re angry or upset) will often encourage more bullying.
• Step away from the computer: Spend some time with a friend or your family, or read a book or do an activity you enjoy. Turn your phone off and unplug. Getting away from the source of the bullying will help you cope.
• Understand the law: Under NZ law, it’s an offence to send messages or post material online that deliberately cause serious emotional distress. It’s also an offence to incite someone to commit suicide, even if they don’t end up acting on it. District courts can issue take-down notices for offensive material and fines and prison sentences can be issued. If you experience systematic and serious cyber bullying, you should report it to the police. For more information, see the Netsafe website.

Keep yourself safe online

If you’re bullied or targeted online, it’s not your fault! However, you can take precautions to help limit the problem and ensure you aren’t as easy a target for scams, by:
​

• Keeping your passwords secret, even from your friends, and using random passwords that can’t be guessed.
• Checking and adjusting the privacy settings on your social media accounts to keep out people you don’t want there.
• Think before you post. Remember that anyone – not just your friends, but anyone in the world – can see an image or post on a public site, and that post can be forwarded on or screenshotted by someone in your private circle. Make sure you don’t post anything you don’t want the world to see.

Perhaps a teacher or parent has informed you that you need to change your behaviour, or you feel bad about the way you’ve been treating someone else. If you want to change your behaviour, this article can help.

Do you know what bullying is?

Bullying is repeated and unwanted aggressive behaviour toward another person that reinforces a power imbalance. Bullying comes in many forms, most commonly physical, verbal, relational, vandalism, or cyberbullying.

Ask yourself these important questions to figure out if you’re a bully:

• Do I feel satisfied or happy when I make someone upset?
• Do I listen to people when they tell me to stop doing something?
• Do I feel as though I’m in competition with someone?
• Is my reputation for being strong, dominant, or scary important to me?
• Do I get a thrill from exercising power over others?
• Do other people feel as though they can trust me with their problems?
• Do all my jokes focus on bringing another person down?
• Do I say/do things online that I wouldn’t do in person?
• Am I threatening people to get my way?

How can I stop being a bully?

If you realise you’ve been bullying someone, the first step is admitting to yourself what you’ve done is wrong. Congratulations on making it that far – many bullies don’t.

You should think about why you did what you did. What made you feel as though you wanted to be a bully? Perhaps there is something else going on in your life and you were taking out your anger or frustration on another person? See if you can discover the root cause, so you can understand your own behaviour and prevent it from happening again.

Talk to an adult you trust about your behaviour, and ask them for advice on what to do. You may also like to speak to a counsellor.

Apologise to the person you hurt. It takes a lot of courage to admit you’re wrong. Ask them if you can do anything to make up for your behaviour. You should also delete any hurtful posts, pictures, or comments you made online about them.
​
For more information about what to do if you’re a bully or are experiencing bullying, see the Bullying Free NZ website.

Bullying effects thousands of young people in New Zealand. If you’re experiencing it yourself, the most important thing you can do is talk about it and seek help. Here’s some helpful ways to navigate bullying so you can take steps towards resolving it.

Talk to an adult you trust: Schools, activities and other areas are supposed to be safe for everyone, but if adults don’t know there’s a problem, they can’t work out ways to solve it. Talk to someone with a position of authority who may be able to change the situation.

Keep a log of incidents and dates: This includes any verbal or physical altercations and screenshots / transcripts of cyberbullying. If the situation escalates this log will become important evidence.

Practice safety in numbers: If you are concerned that bullying may escalate into physical violence, try to stay close to a friend or group of friends, even making sure you don’t walk home or between classes alone. True friends can support you during this time and help you see that there’s more to life than the bullying.

Walk away: Bullies gain their pleasure from the attention they receive, so if you walk away and don’t engage with the situation, you rob them of what they want. In many cases this can help resolve the issue – the bully will get bored with trying to hurt you. When walking away, turn your back on them and hold your head high – your body language shows you’re not being messed with.

Find constructive ways to deal with anger: Reacting with anger or hurt to a bully only gives them what they want. It’s tough to hold in your anger when someone is hurting you (or a friend), but if you can’t easily walk away, try humour instead – they won’t expect that. Hold your anger and let it out later in other ways – maybe by going for a long run, or talking to a close friend.

Don’t get physical in return: No matter how a bully treats you, if you react with physical force or violence, you may escalate the situation and end up getting hurt or in trouble. You don’t need to use physical force to stand up for yourself – there are other ways to cope.

Make yourself feel good: You can’t control what your bully will do next, but you can live your life and enjoy it. Do more of the activities you enjoy, or that make you feel strong and confident. Many bullying victims enjoy learning a sport like martial arts that allows them to feel confident in their body even though they don’t intend to ever hurt anyone.

Speak up to others: If you see a bully attacking others, or you notice bullying behaviour around your school, speak up and remind bystanders and other students that it’s not okay. It’s hard to be the one speaking up – especially if the bullies are at the top of the social hierarchy – but nothing will change if everyone ignores the problem.
​
Celebrate your true friends: Often, bullying comes from people who were close to us or who we thought we could trust. Instead of dwelling on their betrayal, celebrate the people in your life who stand by you. Spend time with them and remind them what they mean to you.

Are you a victim of bullying? If you’re concerned about the behaviour of peers or adults in your life, it’s important to know how to define bullying. Once you understand how to identify bullying, you can take steps to stop it.

Bullying is repeated aggressive and hurtful behaviour that specifically targets a single individual. If you’re the victim of bullying, you may feel isolated, depressed, and ashamed. Bullying may come from peers in your class or on your sports team, but it often starts with friends or people in your friend circle.

Types of bullying

You’re being bullied if you experience any of these tactics on a regular basis:

• Gossip: Bullies spread harmful and untrue rumours about you in person or over the internet.
• Physical harm: You’re hit, punched, or hurt physically.
• Silent treatment: You’re ignored when you speak, or people tell you that you’re not worth talking to or that no one cares what you have to say.
• Verbal put-downs: You’re told that you’re ugly, worthless, or other things that destroy your self esteem. Bullies often add “can’t you take a joke?” or “just kidding.” after verbal abuse to try and so you feel stupid for taking the comments personally.
• Cyber-bullying: Bullies post harmful and hurtful things about you on social media, such as mean comments, photoshopped or private images, or inciting others to join in their bullying. These are often presented as “jokes.”
• Exclusion: You’re left out of activities and events in your social circle.
• Sexual harassment: Bullies often make unwanted advances, lewd comments, and use other types of sexual harassment.
• Using relationships as a weapon: A person threatens to break up your friendship, or hurt you emotionally or physically if you don’t do what they want.

If you’re being bullied, you can take these steps:

• Keep a record. Write down everything that happens and keep records – including screenshots and the contents of text message – so that you have evidence. Bullying can often involve illegal behaviour, and it’s good to have this record if authorities become involved.
• Talk to someone. Tell your parents, grandparents, guardians, older siblings, or another adult you trust. You can also tell a teacher or coach – even if the bullying isn’t happening on school grounds – so they can put steps in place to stop it.
• Stay positive. Research has shown that people who are bullied are often intelligent, creative, and empathetic people who go on to be more successful in life than their bullies. Focus on thinking about positive things and doing activities you enjoy.

If you’re being bullied, you know that it can destroy your self-esteem and sense of safety. You may even believe that the bullying is your fault.

It’s not, and it’s important that you talk to someone you trust about what’s happening. Bullying should be addressed so it isn’t allowed to continue.